i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
