So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
