Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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