I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
