Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
