to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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