so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
