what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
