He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
