We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
420 ftw
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just cropdusted the office
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
