pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
