Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
