Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
