My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
