She's JV to your varsity
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
