Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
