so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
