i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my shit smells like andre
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
