I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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