help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
