So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
