You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
