Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
