I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
