I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
