Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
