Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
