Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
