I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
