On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
