Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
