He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dear god my vagina.
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