i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
