just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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