I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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