I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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