yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
