I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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