ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
