He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
