Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
