Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
