an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
