I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
