Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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