I hate all girls vehemently.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
