Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Randomize
