just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
