Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
