I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
