I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
