so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
