You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I need a beard to bite.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
