I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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